I have been struck recently by the deaths of two celebrities. First, Kate Spade and now Anthony Bourdain. Suicide, which many call selfish, I find to be a large mirror, an outward act of the immense suffering one is experiencing.
When you feel that your only option for relief is to no longer live, your mind has wandered down such a dark hole you feel there is no way back. My heart breaks for those impacted – both with the internal darkness they feel they have to bear, and for those left behind to pick up the pieces.
I want to scream from the rooftops- to you, to everyone I encounter- to drop the striving, drop the need to be more through perfection and comparison, settle back in to the humanness that connects you to others in a real and fulfilling way.
Remember that despite the narrative that you have created, you are enough. Just as you are. It’s apparent this week, if you still had any doubts, that external success- a cool $50 million or traveling the world, writing, hosting a show- it doesn’t mean that you are happy.
Everyone has something they struggle with and working as a mental health counselor I can promise you that it’s more common than not. You don’t have to suffer alone in isolation, it’s not your fault, it’s not due to you being lazy, broken, or hopeless. Your brain is powerful beyond measure and with help, big or small, we can all find a way to shift our experience to find more joy.
But even you can start now with yourself – finding more self love and acceptance and less striving, comparison, and guilt. When you connect to this within, you give others around you permission to do the same.
Less pressure. More joy. Greater openness to share when we aren’t doing well. A greater willingness to ask for help. Greater connection with others, which means less loneliness and isolation. Less mind. More heart.
This is my favorite statement to start: memorize it!
“I totally and completely love and accept myself.”
“I totally and completely forgive myself.”
“I am enough simply by being all of me.”
Hallie Buchanan is the owner Charleston Wellness Group and co-creator of Deliberate Method. A graduate of Masters in Clinical Counseling Program and Certified Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist, she has worked for years in a private setting, helping individuals of all ages find success and fulfillment through a deeper understanding of the mind- body connection and deepening one’s relationship to self.
A North Carolina native, she now lives with her husband and two dogs in downtown Charleston, SC and after over a decade, calls the city “home.”