It’s not that I don’t love myself, it’s not that I need to learn how to love myself. Its that even though I love myself, i don’t always accept myself or perhaps accept all of myself.
If you know me, you may know I’m strong, sometimes opinionated and stand up for what I believe in, which is all true, however this is also the part of me that struggles with the softer side. The capacity to be vulnerable and in the depths of life and any emotions that it brings with it, has been a challenge. As long as I can remember, tears, anger, sadness were all to be locked away. To be put on the back burner, or at least to plastered behind a fake a smile. But its true, I’m all of these things.
Afraid to be vulnerable and emotional but yet stand my ground and speak my truth even to those who don’t like it. My emotional side stays covered, protected, perhaps as a way to not appear or even become “weak,” but ultimately that’s exactly what that protection does, weakens me.
Everything gets to be here, no right, no wrong! As my journey into Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy began, I was finally given permission to let everything be here, EVERYTHING! While my everything didn’t appear vocally, it did appear, it was finally okay to be upset, angry and uncomfortable. While the idea of sitting in my own uncomfortableness made me even more uncomfortable, I wasn’t alone, and it really was okay to allow everything to be there, even the uncomfortableness.
I read an article the other day “Why You Should Never Apologize for Crying”, and it hit me that finally word was getting out. I watched as I sat with a group of people and emotions shifted, there was anger, sadness and fear, and how quickly we all jump up to “lend a hand,” to offer our support, a shoulder, a hand, a tissue, and an “it’s okay”, all which is met with a response of “I’m sorry,” by the person showing the emotion. Why should we apologize for our emotions, are they not real, authentic, neither right nor wrong?
I’ve come to learn how other people’s emotions make us uncomfortable, most people do not know how to offer other’s support only with our presence nor know how to hold space for others. We have a desire to comfort others, not because that is what they want or need (how do we know?) but because we are uncomfortable, we don’t know what to do.
The truth is, our emotions can hold the key to so much insight about our lives, about who we are. About the moments that we are either labelling ourselves weak or strong, how we move forward and live from a place that really teaches us that there is no right or wrong. So I’m learning to love myself, all those parts of myself and thankfully everything gets to be here.
What would it be like to take a few moments and allow yourself to be with your emotions? All of them, no right or wrong, but rather just witness your own experience. Every emotion holds its own validity, just like those of your peers. Take a moment to close your eyes, and ask yourself What’s Happening Now? And Remember, everything gets to be here, no right, no wrong!
Alison Boons is a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist and Experienced Registered Yoga Teacher in the Vancouver, British Columbia area. She believes that our breath holds the key to so much life, love and happiness and our journey’s through self only continue, there is no end.
Read more at: www.alisonboons.com
